The underlying philosophy of the monster is compelling. Its birth brought the instrument of its own destruction, and the instrument of its destruction births it. How great is that? The sword is also explicitly a symbolic phallus, with its 'stabbing' resulting in birth. Now that's good stuff right there.
Where the product falters is IMHO, is in the room descriptions. They are a little bland and do not convey the sense of death and decay the adventure is going for. Simple touches such as rust and tarnish on metals, seepage on walls, tattering of banners, the crunch of broken glass, etc. could elevate the writing, without which, the Referee has to do a bit of work to get the feel out of the adventure to the players.
The background info conveys a good sense of putting the reader in the right mood, but only the Referee has access to that.
A good adventure, with the potential of being great.
Wow, thank you so much for the amazing praise and constructive criticism. Couldn't agree more, these rooms need to be more descriptive to get the mood across and set the scene.
XEPHION was a jam submission and it was down to the wire so we had to be very bare bones with the writing but we are working on a Complete Edition where we will beef up the document as a whole, this note will definitely be taken into account during our revision process!
If you would humour me more, I would also suggest expanding on 'interactivity' in the rooms. Most pros consider a single interactable thing in a room a sign of amateur design.
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The underlying philosophy of the monster is compelling. Its birth brought the instrument of its own destruction, and the instrument of its destruction births it. How great is that? The sword is also explicitly a symbolic phallus, with its 'stabbing' resulting in birth. Now that's good stuff right there.
Where the product falters is IMHO, is in the room descriptions. They are a little bland and do not convey the sense of death and decay the adventure is going for. Simple touches such as rust and tarnish on metals, seepage on walls, tattering of banners, the crunch of broken glass, etc. could elevate the writing, without which, the Referee has to do a bit of work to get the feel out of the adventure to the players.
The background info conveys a good sense of putting the reader in the right mood, but only the Referee has access to that.
A good adventure, with the potential of being great.
Wow, thank you so much for the amazing praise and constructive criticism. Couldn't agree more, these rooms need to be more descriptive to get the mood across and set the scene.
XEPHION was a jam submission and it was down to the wire so we had to be very bare bones with the writing but we are working on a Complete Edition where we will beef up the document as a whole, this note will definitely be taken into account during our revision process!
Glad I could help!
If you would humour me more, I would also suggest expanding on 'interactivity' in the rooms. Most pros consider a single interactable thing in a room a sign of amateur design.
Wishing your team success!